Weirdoes in Paradise
by Hysterical Woman
Summary: After many years away from home, Prince Pom-Pom has returned to the Isle of Pom with his friends. Coming home is never easy, and he must deal with the pressures of being royalty. Also, one of the gang finds love on this tropical island.
1. Default Chapter

Weirdoes in Paradise

By Hysterical Woman

_Disclaimer: The characters and settings depicted wherein were created by the Brothers Chap. The actual story was written by me. If you want to use this story for MSTing purposes, please e-mail me at hystericalwoman at yahoo dot com. _

Chapter 1: Bon Voyage

"That's a big boat!" Homestar said as he was the Ferry Queen for the first time.

"It's a ship, not a boat," said Marzipan, as she gathered up her luggage.

The Ferry Queen was actually pretty small as far as ships went, but it was huge to the landlocked citizens of Free County, USA. This vessel would take them to the Isle of Pom, where big ships weren't allowed. Pom-Pom had paid for everyone to go on a week-long vacation with him to this tropical paradise.

Everyone was waiting for Homestar and Marzipan at the harbor. Coach Z was telling a long pointless story to Bubs, who politely wasn't listening. The King of Town was there, eating a fish he stole from a sea gull. His trusty Poopsmith was with him, carrying a lumpy garbage bag filled with who knows what. Strong Mad was playfully throwing The Cheat in the air, while Strong Bad looked over a map of the ship. Strong Sad stood alone, looking forlorn as usual.

"Strong Sad," Marzipan said, "I didn't know you were coming."

"Well," Strong Sad explained, "the goblin couldn't come. Or Senor Cardgage. Or Mr.Bland. Or the robot. Or Gavin..."

"Why were you so late?" interrupted Strong Bad.

"Oh, I forgot my witch's brew and had to go back," Homestar said.

"Several times," added Marzipan, slightly annoyed.

Then Pom-Pom, the Pom of the Hour, came up to greet Homestar. They gave each other high-fives, despite the obvious physical difficulties. Pom-Pom then turned to the rest.

_Time to board_, Pom-Pom announced, in his Pom language.

The Pom language is almost impossible for outsiders to speak, but is easy to learn. On the other hand, Poms find it very hard to speak any outside language. So Pom-Pom speaks his own language all the time, and his friends have learned it.

His friends gathered up their luggage and went to board. The Brothers Strong threw all their luggage to the hapless Strong Sad.

"Move it, stevedork!" ordered Strong Bad.

Strong Sad slowly got up, and lifted the luggage on his back.

"I'm so glad I decided to come on this trip," he mumbled as he walked up the gangplank, "instead of spending a quiet, brother-less week at home. Smart move, Strong Sad."

When everyone had boarded and found their rooms, they explored the ship. Homestar found a badminton court to play cricket in. Marzipan watched the fishes in the onboard aquarium. Bubs and Coach Z found a karaoke bar, whilst everyone else found the exit. The King of Town found the buffet, and had to be dragged out a few minutes later. The Poopsmith just hung around the ship, enjoying his new-found leisure time. Strong Sad found his room, and decided to stay there for the rest of the trip. His brother wasn't so lucky.

All Strong Bad found was seasickness. He spent his time puking over the side of the ship. Strong Mad and The Cheat were by his side, though not too close due to his vomiting.

"Oh crap," Strong Bad moaned, "I'm running on empty now. I'm gonna die."

"STRONG BAD!" cried his older brother.

"This is it, guys. I'm leaving you all of Strong Sad's stuff. All my stuff is going to be buried with me."

"Meh meh!" squeaked The Cheat.

"Okay, you can have my 8-track collection, but the rest goes with me to that lot-behind-the-dumpster in the sky."

Strong Bad then fell into another fit of vomiting. His henchmen stepped back as the Poopsmith-like stench wafted off him.

"Thanks, guys," said Strong Bad, "for sticking with me, even though this boat has way awesome stuff, like an arcade and a movie theater and a pet salon..."

The Cheat and Strong Mad looked at each other with a guilty idea. In the blink of an eye they ran off, far from the ailing Strong Bad.

"And laser tag and...hey!" yelled Strong Bad, "Come back or I'll...er, I don't feel so good."

Pom-Pom didn't have any problems with seasickness. He was an islander and so was in his element. He bounced around the ship, meeting up with everyone in his party, in a very manic matter. He said it was just the sea making him hyper, but there was a look of sadness in his eyes. Marzipan noticed this, and mentioned it to Homestar as they walked on the deck after dinner.

"Maybe it's some sort of witch's brew," Homestar suggested.

"He does seem bewitched," replied Marzipan, "Does he mention home ever?"

"He talks about my home whenever it gets late."

"I'm talking about the Isle of Pom."

"Oh, that home! No, he's pretty quiet."

"Why did he leave the Isle of Pom?" she whispered to herself.

She then asked, "Where did Pom-Pom get all this money for the trip? Paying for eleven people on a nice cruise like this must cost a fortune."

"He must get the bling-bling from his shorties."

"You've been hanging around Coach Z too much, Homestar," Marzipan sighed.

Down in the Strongs' Suite, Strong Sad was having questions of his own. A giant wooden barrel had been delivered to their room, and now sat in the den of their suite.

"Who ordered the," he read the tag, "Pickled Marmalade?"

The barrel started to rumble. Strange noises came from within it. With a loud pop, the barrel burst open, revealing the head of the unstoppable Homsar.

"Here I come to save the day!" he shrieked.

"Shh!!!" whispered a nervous Strong Sad.

A voice came from Strong Bad's room.

"What the crap is going on out there?"

"Um, Tourette's!" answered Strong Sad as he towed the stowaway into his room.

"Aw crap, don't they spray for that?" complained Strong Bad, before falling back to sleep.

Strong Sad gave a relieved sigh as he hide Homsar away in his room. Strong Bad would throw Homsar off the ship if he found out. Actually, Strong Sad was tempted to do the same. He figured though that with as few friends as he had, he shouldn't be tossing them out to sea, no matter how cockroach-like they were.

"Homsar," Strong Sad explained, "You've got to stay quiet or they'll throw you off."

Homsar looked at him blankly. Strong Sad sighed and took a different approach.

"Haddi-man, red zone is for bananas only."

Homsar seemed to understand this. He gave a wink, and set up shop in the closet. He took out a piece of toast and a rotary phone and made a bed out of it. He soon fell asleep.

"Well, good night," said Strong Sad.

He decided to go to sleep himself. He turned off the lights and went to bed. Eventually, everyone else went to bed. Even Coach Z and Bubs, who promised to party all night, passed out around twelve. Only Pom-Pom remained. He bounced around the ship, too filled with thoughts to sleep. He had so much to tell everyone, especially Homestar, but he just couldn't. He knew they would find out eventually, but he had kept it a secret so long it seemed locked from him as well. So he wandered around aimlessly. When everything on the ship had closed, he went to his room for a sleepless night.

Strong Bad was the first one up the next morning. This was unusual for him, but when he found out he wasn't sick anymore, he couldn't stay asleep. He woke up Strong Mad and The Cheat and dragged them around the ship, trying to make up for lost time.

"Okay, we've done the laser tag, the bungee jump, and the miniature golf," he said maniacally, "Now time for the beauty salon!"

"Meh!" complained The Cheat.

"REST!" cried Strong Mad.

"Shut up, guys," snapped Strong Bad, "I know how you all abandoned me in my dying hours!"

"Meh meh!"

"Yeah, but I could have died. Then who would protect you from the bear holding a shark?"

"Meh..."

The Ferry Queen spotted land around midmorning. It was only a dot on the horizon, but Pom-Pom knew that it was his homeland. He would soon have to face the music.

By eleven, everyone was up. They packed and got ready to disembark. Strong Sad ran into some problems doing that. When he looked in the closet, he found that Homsar wasn't there. Where could that little weirdo be? He looked in Strong Bad's room. All he found was a horrible smell. Strong Bad had been very sick last night. He went into The Cheat and Strong Mads' room and immediately knew that Pom-Pom would not get his damage deposit back. He wanted to search further, but then a voice called out.

"Hey, lardbutt!' cried Strong Bad from the hallway, "This luggage won't carry itself!"

Strong Sad gave up the search and grabbed his duffel bag. He went to the hallway, where his brothers stood next to a pile of luggage. He picked up the luggage and followed them to the top deck.

"Oof," he said, "Wouldn't it make more sense to take it to Deck 3, where we disembark.

"CARRY IT," Strong Mad yelled.

"Good point," sighed Strong Sad.

The sight on the top deck was worth a few broken backs. Everyone had come up to see it. The Isle of Pom was breath-taking. The tropical island glittered in the sun. The port was in Pomopolis, the beautiful if badly named capital city of Pom. The houses in Pom were painted in lovely pastels, and were decorated with garlands of native flowers. The people who had gathered in the harbor were colorful as well. The males looked like Pom-Pom, with the same face but different colored bodies. The females had the same face as Pom-Pom, but their bodies were far more shapelier. In fact, they were quite sexy. They wore skimpy yet colorful clothes. They were all gathered at the harbor.

Why were they gathered at the harbor? Was there a festival? Was there someone important on the ship?

"Wow, there's a party going on!" said Bubs.

"Pom-Pom, what are they celebrating?" Homestar asked.

Pom-Pom was struck dumb. Strong Bad picked up the question.

"Obviously they're celebrating my awesomeness!"

"Oh. They misspelled your name on that banner, though."

Indeed, they had misspelled Strong Bad's name on that banner. The banner read:

Welcome Home

Prince Pom-Pom!

_Um_, said Pom-Pom, _I've got something to tell you guys_.

Next Chapter: Coming to Free County


	2. Chapter 2: Coming to Free Country

Weirdoes in Paradise

By Hysterical Woman

_Disclaimer: The characters and settings depicted wherein were created by the Brothers Chap. The actual story was written by me. The characters and conception on the Isle of Pom were created by me as well, though you can borrow them with permission. If you want to use this story for MSTing purposes, please e-mail me at hystericalwoman at yahoo dot com. _

Chapter 2: Coming to Free Country

Pom-Pom, Crown Prince of the Isle of Pom, the eldest son of King Pom-Pom XX and Queen Pomera, and heir to the Ocenia Dynasty, sulked by the window in his room. His room overlooked Coral Cliffs, one of the most beautiful beaches on the island, but he wasn't looking at that. He only looked at the horizon.

Opposite of his French windows were maps and pictures of foreign lands. Images of places he'd never been to covered the smooth white walls. The light airy room was overburdened by his posters.

An embarrassingly polite knock came from the door.

_Come in_, said Pom-Pom dully.

A little Pom boy cautiously entered the room. He looked almost exactly like Pom-Pom, except his stripe was red, not orange. He looked at Pom-Pom, who did not turn around to meet him.

_Orange_, the boy said to Pom-Pom, using his nickname, _Aren't you going to come down to your party?_

_Leave me alone, Pam-Pom_, he answered.

_But it's your 15th birthday! You should go, for everyone's sake._

_I don't need a lecture from my little brother._

_Father will not be pleased._

Pom-Pom turned to his kid brother. He had a point. He couldn't say no to his father. Anyway, it would be rude to ignore his friends and family on this special day. He had been ignoring them too much as of late.

_All right, I'll be down in a second_, he said.

Pam-Pom nodded his head and left the room. Pom-Pom looked out the window a little while longer, than went downstairs to his party.

In the parlor next to the dinning hall Pom-Pom saw his mother. She was sitting in a polite rage. She stood up when she saw him.

_Go inside quick, your father has something to tell you_, she whispered to him.

Pom-Pom grudgingly entered the lavish dinning hall. The room hushed as the guest of honor walked in. Pom-Pom felt as if a hundred lasers were trained on him. He just wanted to find his girlfriends and sit down. His father, the King of Pom, stood up to make a speech. He looked over at his eldest son. Pom-Pom stopped, and quietly prayed for a lighting bolt to end it all.

_My son_, the King began, _Prince Pom-Pom, today you are fifteen, an auspicious age._

The people clapped wildly. The King continued.

_You should be happy today, but I see that you are miserable. Tell me what would make you happy and I promise I will grant you it._

Pom-Pom did not have to think twice. He knew what he desired.

He said, _Father, I wish to travel the world. By myself._

Everyone gasped. How could the King let the Crown Prince leave the island unprotected? The King could not renounce his promise though, not in front of all his subjects.

_Are you sure this is what you want?_ asked the King.

_I am surer of this than I've ever been, _replied Pom-Pom.

The King looked at the determination in his son's eyes and knew he had lost. He gave in.

_You may leave on this trip. I will give you money and anything else you may need. But you should keep your true identity a secret, for some might mean you harm, _the King told him.

Pom-Pom agreed to this. So he kept it a secret, until now, when he just told his friends.

_So that's the story, _finished Pom-Pom.

Everyone was silent. Finally, Homestar spoke up.

"Hey, your story's like that Eddie Murphy movie where he's this African prince whose coming, like, to America, to find a burrito or something. I think it was called, um, Shrek," he said.

_You're not angry at me for keeping this from you? _Pom-Pom asked.

"Naw," said Homestar, "I mean, I never told you what really happened to your goldfish."

Before Pom-Pom could ask, the King of Town spoke up.

"I wish I had known you were royalty like me," he said.

_Me too_, answered Pom-Pom.

"Wow," said Strong Bad, "I always thought you were weird for leaving an island with 27 girlfriends. But now that I've heard your story, I think you're totally insane. Leaving an island with 27 girlfriends and you're royalty? Get away from me, psycho."

"I think we're all surprised," said Marzipan.

"I'm not," said Strong Sad.

"But I'm glad you told us," she continued, "Even though you waited till the last moment."

"Three cheers for the Prince!!" cried Coach Z, "Hip horp..."

Cries of "Hooray!" "Meh!" and "Witch's Brew!" filled the air. Pom-Pom looked down bashfully.

_I feel like I'm home already_, he said softly.

Home would have to wait awhile as preparations were made for the Prince and his friends. The regular passengers were allowed to disembark first. After that, the Free Country residents were escorted to an open stretch limo. They became part of a huge motorcade.

The motorcade slowly went up the hill through the ecstatic cheers of the people. They filled the sidewalks, balconies, and even roofs of the capital city of Pomopolis. The air was colored with rainbow confetti. Everyone's heart soared. The Prince was home!

The Prince wasn't the only one getting cheers. Some people were cheering for Coach Z, of all people. His hit single, "These People Try to Fade Me", blasted from the windows and balconies. Some of the youth wore Z medallions or even green jumpsuits. The ladies screamed with joy when he went by. It was if he was a prince as well.

"Whoa," said Strong Bad, "It's like The Land Good Taste Forgot."

Coach Z looked thoughtfully for a moment. He reached into the old couch cushions of his memory and picked out a crusty dime from the past.

"I remembers," he said, "My agent told me to release an album in the Isle of Pom. Said if I made it here, I could make it anywhere."

"I hope you fired him," quipped Strong Bad.

"Didn't have to," explained Coach Z, "Which reminds me of another story I cans't remembers."

Bubs put his arm around Coach Z's shoulder.

"Coach Z, if you need an agent," he said, "I'll be there to take 10."

"Gorsh, you're such a good friend," said Coach Z.

The motorcade continued its climb up the hill till it reached a cast iron gate. The gate was opened by two soldiers, leading them into the fabulous Pomopolis Palace.

The Pomopolis Palace was a grand light blue stucco edifice, wider than it was tall. It had three stories, the bottom two having an arcade of basket handle arches that let in the light to the lovely verandas. On the third story was a red and blue brick turret with a flag pole on top, which crowned the palace. The flat roof was decorated with a wavy red crest, as were the corners. A small set of stairs led to the portal where Pom-Pom's parents stood waiting under a decorated arch.

King Pom-Pom XX was somewhat larger and rounder than his son. His colors were darker, but for the most part he looked like his offspring. The traditional Cloak of Many Feathers was draped around his shoulders. On his head was a golden crown that glowed in the sun.

Queen Pomera was more down-to-earth in western-style clothing. She wore a classically beautiful violet dress with matching shoes. Her hair was black with some grey hairs, giving it a frosted look. Her face beamed kindness, despite its obvious lack of expression.

Pom-Pom and his friends got out of the limo. Pom-Pom slowly went up to his parents, who he had not seen in so many years. He was so nervous he could have exploded.

_Mother, Father_, he said, _These are my friends. This is Homestar Runner, my best friend._

"Welcome to !" the white armless guy yelled.

Pom-Pom added, _This is his girlfriend, Marzipan._

"Sometimes girlfriend," the broom-like added with a Southern twang, "How many birds were murdered for that cloak?"

_Um_, said Pom-Pom, _There's..._

"Strong Bad," the short Mexican wrestler said, "Ruler of Strongbadia and coolest guy ever."

_His brothers..._Pom-Pom continued.

"STRONG MAD!" yelled the crazed muscle man.

"Hi," said the sad elephant boy, but his greeting was drowned out by everyone's self-introduction.

"Coach Z is in the house!"

"The King of Town! The KOT!"

"Mehmehmehmeh!'

"Come to Bub's for such fine products as..."

"...meat takes 10 years to digest in the colon so..."

"Me llamo es futbol!"

The Queen spoke up.

_It's a pleasure to meet you all_, she said.

_Welcome home, son_, the King said majestically.

The King slowly bounced down the steps to greet his son, but something went wrong. He fell awkwardly, losing his crown in the process. Pom-Pom and his mother rushed to the old King's side.

_Are you alright?_ bubbled Pom-Pom anxiously.

_I just lost my footing_, the King said weakly.

_I think this is enough excitement for today_, the Queen said as she helped her husband up and put his crown back on, _Orange, please go inside, you have some more people who want to see you._

Pom-Pom and the gang stepped into the veranda and opened the ornate wooden door to an impressive foyer. The foyer was larger than some people's apartments. The golden walls displayed the island's history, or at least the parts involving people hitting each other. Even though the peaceful island had few wars, they wanted to show they were ready. This room was meant to impress, so it was unashamedly gaudy.

The Pom girls in the foyer wanted love, not war. Gather here were Pom-Pom's 27 girlfriends. Despite all his time away from the island, he had kept close to them, even getting more girlfriends. They ran over to him and embraced him. Everyone bubbled together excitedly.

Pom-Pom's cell phone rang unexpectedly. He got out his phone and answered it. He heard a familiar voice.

_Amber_, Pom-Pom said, _I'm in the same room. You don't need to call me._

_Sorry! _said the curly haired brunette on the other side of the room, _I'm just used to talking to you this way._

_That's okay_, replied Pom-Pom, as he put away his cell phone.

_Orange?_ cried Amber, still on the phone, _You're breaking up!_

Pom-Pom turned to the rest.

_Let me introduce my girlfriends_, he said, as he pointed to each one in turn, _This is Mopa, Mira, Pamy, Popa, Mia, Pomy, Mara, Pamora, Pie, Paia, the twins Pi and Mi, Opa, Mimi, Amber, Pomia, Miopia, Mila, Pipy, Marla, Pamla, Paka, Marka, Parie, Pomko, Peke, and of course Alice._

"Alice?" asked Homestar, "Who the fu- ow! Marzipan, why'd you hit me?"

An old blue dog then came bounding into the room with the energy of a puppy. Pom-Pom kneeled down as the old dog licked his face. It was Trivia Time, who hadn't seen his master in so long. Pomera came in to watch the happy tableau. Everything seemed perfect.

Pom-Pom looked up and asked _So where's Pam-Pom?_

His mother looked embarrassed for a moment.

_He's busy setting up for the gala tonight_, she apologized, _but I'm sure he misses you._

"Gala?" Homestar asked.

_Yes_, the Queen said, _At six, here in the palace. Formal wear, of course._

"I knew it was a good idea to pack ten formal gowns!" Marzipan said.

"Wait, you mean a tux and stuff?" asked Strong Bad, "No way man."

_Come on_, pleaded Pom-Pom, _You'll be like James Bond._

"I said no."

Pom-Pom tried a different approach.

_You'll be like a valet at a fancy restaurant._

"Oooh, like those guys that get to park those expensive cars and a maybe take them on joy ride? Awesome. I'm in."

You _can freshen up for the party in your rooms_, the Queen said, _The butler will show you the way. Your luggage is already there._

As if summoned telepathically, the butler came in at that moment. He had a black and white design that made it look like he was born to be a butler. He nodded his head and showed them to the stairs. Pom-Pom's friends from Free Country followed. Soon Pom-Pom left with his girlfriends to walk Trivia Time in the gardens. Queen Pomera was left only with her thoughts.

She sat down on a couch, looking at the weapons of war around her.

She whispered to herself, _I hope Pam-Pom calmed down. _

Next: Chapter 3: The Prodigal Pom

Author's Notes:

Updates: It will be a while till my next update. Sorry about that, but I have a thesis paper to work on. I have started on the first draft of the next chapter, so don't worry about me forgetting.

Coming to America: The movie Homestar was talking about was "Coming to America", in case you couldn't figure it out. In it, Eddie Murphy plays a prince who goes to Queens, NewYork to find a bride, not a burrito. "Shrek" is another Eddie Murphy movie, and only Homestar could mix the two up.

Royalty: Though I consider myself an anarchist, I'm not opposed to any sort of government as long as it's on a small scale. The government of the Isle of Pom is a parliamentary monarchy though, similar in some aspects to the British version.

Strong Sad: His line is just a throwaway joke. Don't worry about it too much.

Futbol: From an anecdote from my sister's Spanish class. She beta-read my story, which I am thankful for.

Alice: A reference to a song, by Gompie.

Girlfriends: I actually drew them all (or at least their heads) and gave them a short description, even though they may only be mentioned once. I also drew a floor plan to Pomopolis Palace, which I promptly discarded.

Thank You For Reading This Far!


	3. Chapter 3: The Prodigal Pom

Weirdoes in Paradise

By Hysterical Woman

_Disclaimer: The characters and settings depicted wherein were created by the Brothers Chap. The actual story was written by me. If you want to use this story for MSTing purposes, please e-mail me at hystericalwoman at yahoo dot com. _

_Warning: This chapter contains some alcohol use. All characters depicted are of drinking age or have convincing fake ID's._

Chapter 3: The Prodigal Pom

Pom-Pom surveyed his old bedroom. Revisiting an old bedroom is always an embarrassing event. It's sad enough if your old room has been converted to a guest room or even worse, an extra bathroom, but it's most depressing when it's been left as it was when you left home. The room becomes crystallized in time, showing you your past self, and it isn't always pretty. Old rooms are usually filled with badly-made model airplanes, posters of has-beens, and stuffed animals with accusing eyes.

In Pom-Pom's case it was filled with maps. He hadn't visited even half of the places marked on the maps. He had traveled a lot, but when he visited Free Country, his wanderlust faded. It was if Free Country was the place he had been looking for all his life. He didn't even know he had been looking for anything. It was a matter of serendipity.

Pom-Pom flopped down on his bed. He was tired after dealing with his 27 girlfriends. By themselves, they were charming, intelligent young ladies, but together they became a mass of jealous harpies. He was glad to escape them.

After taking a short nap, he got up and showered. He put on his tuxedo and went down to the lounge. It was time for the cocktail hour before dinner.

The classy lounge was filled with classy people. The crème de la crème of the Isle of Pom chatted over mixed drinks and fine spirits. The Free Country gang felt out of place. It wasn't that they weren't dressed formally, though. Marzipan had chosen a lovely purple dress from her collection, though it paled with the other designer gowns. The rest had gotten the appropriate attire via borrowing, haggling, or just cutting up an old couch in some cases. Strong Mad had borrowed his from the circus, from the erudite Professor Ishmael. The Cheat already had a nice blue tux. Strong Bad still had problems with his tux.

"Wearing this suit," he remarked, "on this weird island with these weird people, I feel like Number 6."

"Ewww!" replied Marzipan, "I didn't need to hear that!"

"Meh mehmehmeh!" the Cheat complained, pointing to Strong Bad's Molotov Cocktail.

"You can't drink! You're only like...eight or something," Strong Bad said.

The Cheat pulled out his fake I.D. and said "Meh!"

"The doctor says alcohol will aggravate your 'Black Lung'," Strong Bad replied.

The Cheat ignored his advice and got a drink anyway. Being only 50 pounds, he quickly got drunk and started singing with an inebriated Homestar.

"Tropical lazor beams..." Homestar crooned, leaning on The Cheat.

"Homestar!" yelled Marzipan (who was drinking a virgin Bloody Mary).

"Lazor beams of love..."

"Homestar, stop that!"

"Um, some more lyrics!"

"Homestar, you're not drunk! I told the bartender to give you water!"

"Oh," said Homestar, sobering up immediately.

Strong Sad opted not to drink, as he told the bartender.

"My doctor says I shouldn't drink alcohol with my medicine," Strong Sad explained, "which isn't too bad, I guess. With my last medicine I couldn't have garlic or be in direct sunlight. And in the 4th grade..."

_Kid_, said the bartender, _My amazing bartender listening skills only apply to people who order drinks._

"Oh. Then I'll have a Shirley Temple, it always cheers me up," Strong Sad said, "As I was saying..."

Coach Z had no lost of people to talk with. He was currently talking with a dark skinned Pom girl with round frame glasses and cornrows, a girlfriend of Pom-Pom. She was busy explain Coach Z's music to Coach Z.

_It represents modern man's fear of technology and the lost of privacy and intimacy_, explained the girl, whose name was Pie.

"I though it was a portable telephone," replied Coach Z.

The King of Town, oddly enough, wasn't having a good time at the gala. He sat in the corner moaning until a waiter bounced over to him.

_Sir, could you please not chew on the curtain?_ the waiter asked.

"But I'm hungry!" whined the King of Town.

_Would sir like a drink to tie him over?_

"I'll have a Butter-Da."

_I don't think that's available at the bar_, the waiter answered cautiously, _But the local automotive shop might have it. _

"I'll just have a glass of lard then."

Pom-Pom ended up in a conversation with the Archbishop of Pomopolis and Marla, Pom-Pom's religious girlfriend, on why God made the platypus. His best friend ended up in another exciting discussion.

"And that's how I lost five of my livers," Strong Bad said to an amazed Homestar.

"That's just an urban legend," complained Marzipan, "People only have one liver anyway."

"Well, maybe regular people only have one liver," Strong Bad replied.

"I have two kidneys," Homestar offered.

A familiar looking pom bounced over.

_Good evening to you_, he said.

Homestar cried, "Hello, Pom-Pom!"

This was a mistake. The pom looked angry for a moment, and then continued politely.

_Let me introduce myself_, he said, _My name is Prince Pam-Pom._

"Oh, you're Pom-Pom's little brother!" Marzipan exclaimed.

"The baby of the family, huh?" Strong Bad said.

_Yes, in a way,_ he said testily, _But I'm almost an adult, with responsibilities and duties._

Homestar and Strong Bad chuckled at that. Pam-Pom ignored them.

_For example, I coordinated this gala_, he said proudly.

"You did a good job," said Marzipan.

"Yeah," said Strong Bad, "You did a good job of throwing a really lame party. What's with this classical crap they're playing?"

_Thank you for the input_, Pam-Pom said, trying to ignore Strong Bad.

He then looked over at Pom-Pom, who was coming his way.

_Excuse me_, Pam-Pom said, _I have business to attend._

He left the group hurriedly.

"What a serious young man," Marzipan said.

"What a freaking nerd," Strong Bad added.

"Hello, um, Pom-Pom?" said Homestar uncertainly.

_Hi guys_, said Pom-Pom, _Where did my little bro get to?_

"He had business to attend," Marzipan told him.

_I haven't been able to talk to him since I got here_, said Pom-Pom.

"Well, he is busy," said Marzipan.

"Yeah, busy avoiding you," said Strong Bad.

Before Marzipan could say anything, the dinner bell rang. Strong Bad's little brother didn't hear it, because he was busy talking to the bartender.

"And then they were going to put me this new medication that sometimes causes rage, paranoia, and stiffness of the hand joints, but I couldn't stand to ruin my hand so..."

_Excuse me, sir, but I'm closing up_, said the bartender, _Time for dinner._

"Thank you, I guess I'll...wait a minute!" said Strong Sad, "Who are you? Where did the other guy go?"

_He ran off and jumped into the ocean, the poor guy_, explained the bartender.

"Why do I feel partially responsible?" Strong Sad asked himself.

The Free Country gang had their own table to the left of the royal table. Pom-Pom sat at the royal table with the King and Queen and some royal aunts and uncles and cousins. His brother was absent, but since he was busy that was no surprise. His girlfriends were scattered throughout the dinning room, much to their displeasure. Homestar wasn't happy about the situation either.

"I want to sit next to Pom-Pom!" he whined, "I don't know what all these utensils do!"

Marzipan, who was seated at his right, said, "Just start from the inside out. Or maybe it was outside in. No, maybe you alternate..."

"Reminds me of the time I had supper with Kriss Kross," mused Coach Z.

"Wait, were we suppose to eat the utensils?" asked the King of Town.

"You ate my silverware," moaned Strong Sad, who sat to the right of the KOT.

Strong Sad had come in late, so he had to sit between the gluttonous KOT and the smelly Poopsmith. Surprisingly, the Poopsmith did not smell that bad. During the afternoon he had taken a rigorous bath, and now only smelled like a gentle fart. Strong Sad sympathized with the untouchable Poopsmith, but still wanted to change seats.

Strong Bad sat in between his henchbeings, who guarded him in this strange land. Well, Strong Mad guarded him at least. The Cheat lay on the table, sick as a dog. The KOT eyed him greedily.

"Duck a la 'range..." he murmured as he took an uneaten fork near the hung over creature.

"Hey!" yelled Strong Bad, "Get your own...um...whatever the heck The Cheat is."

Before the KOT could eat everything the appetizers were served. While the KOT ate them right away, the rest of the gang had problems with the first course.

"I'm not eating this," declared Marzipan, pushing away her plate.

"Me too! It's just not right!" said Homestar, only to be greeted with Marzipan's angry face.

"Homestar," Marzipan said, "I'm not eating this because I have compassion for all living things, great and small. You're not eating this because it's gross and nasty."

Indeed, the appetizer was a delicate array of local bottom feeders. Despite the presentation, one couldn't help feeling that this dish belonged under a rock. Even a sushi lover would be turned off.

"I DON'T EAT BUGS!" cried Strong Mad.

"Don't worry, big guy, I've got a great plan," whispered Strong Bad.

He then brushed his plate off the table nonchalantly.

He then said, very chalantly, "Oh no! It seems my plate of delicious bugs has fallen to the floor! Maybe if I'm quick enough...! No, thirty seconds has passed! Oh well!"

_Sir_, said an omnipresent waiter, _We can get you another..._

"Don't worry, good chap! Ha, ha, ha!" Strong Bad replied as he winked to Strong Mad.

The titan threw his plate across the room.

"OOPS!" he yelled.

Strong Bad just sighed.

"I can't eat this," declared Bubs, "without salt and pepper!"

He grabbed the condiments and then proceeded to chow down, much to everyone's amazement.

"How can you eat that?" asked Homestar.

"When I was growing up," explained Bubs, "my family was so poor, when me and my brother went fishing, we ate everything we caught, whether it was catfish or coat hangers. We ate every slimy thing from those ponds."

"Wait just a goldarn minute," said Coach Z, who sat at Bubs' left, "You told me you grew up in the ghetto."

"Well, you should have seen our potholes after a good rain," Bubs replied.

So between Bubs and the ever hungry King of Town, the despicable appetizers were polished off. Next was the salad course, which passed with little event, though Marzipan complained about the chicken strips mixed in. The soup course brought some surprise however.

"My gazpacho soup is cold!" yelled Strong Bad.

"Everybody's gazpacho soup is cold," said Marzipan.

"What!?" cried Strong Bad, "Just because we're not from around here they think they can serve us cold soup?"

"Strong Bad, I meant..." Marzipan began, but it was too late.

Strong Bad stood on his chair in protest.

"USA! USA!" he chanted.

"Good grief," mumbled his humiliated younger brother.

"Gazpacho soup is served cold, you idiot!" yelled Marzipan.

"Oh," said Strong Bad, sitting down, "That's pretty crappy, though."

After what seemed like an eternity, the main course was served. It was a wonderful dish, prepared by the greatest chef on the island, if not the world. It was so delicious it even tempted Marzipan, who had managed to get a vegetarian quiche. Strong Bad, however, found fault in the entrée.

"Hey!" he yelled, "Could someone unshrink my chicken!"

"It's game hen!" Marzipan whispered loudly, "Shot by some cruel hunter before being seasoned by the best of spices in the prime of its life."

"Can I get some barbeque sauce?!" he continued yelling, "Or maybe some honey mustard?!"

Strong Sad sunk down in his chair, embarrassed beyond belief.

"Oh brother," he murmured.

Pam-Pom came over to the table.

_Are you enjoying yourselves?_ he asked.

"Yeah, the tiny turkey's great," said Homestar, "but I wish I could be over at Pom-Pom's table like that guy."

Pam-Pom looked over at the royal table, where a milquetoast man, who was certainly not a pom, was talking to the King. Pam-Pom shuddered with disgust.

_Dr. Raider?_ he asked, _Why did I invite_ _that man?_

"What's wrong with him?" asked Marzipan.

_Dr. Raider is the curator of the Prance Anthropology Museum. He wants "artifacts" from Pom culture. We have given him some things, mostly worthless, but now he wants the Great Pom. _

"The Great Pom?" asked Marzipan.

_The Great Pom is the greatest treasure of the Royal Family of Pom_, he answered.

"You people aren't very creative with names, are you?" Strong Bad noted.

_The Great Pom_, he continued, _is a giant pearl, the largest and most perfect of its kind. Legend says it was given by the god of the ocean, Mar-Mar, as the dowry of Pomera, goddess of this island, when she married King Pom-Pom I._

He looked over at the royal table again.

_Perhaps we should give it to him_, he said sadly, _to represent all the fine young poms that are leaving this island._

He sighed and looked off into the distance.

_Hey, Pam-Pom!_

Pam-Pom looked behind him to see Pom-Pom bounce over to him, with his girlfriend Mopa. Pam-Pom looked dazed, like a trapped creature.

_Aren't you going to say hello to your big brother?_ asked Pom-Pom.

Before Pam-Pom could say anything, a giant layered cake was wheeled in. It was a masterpiece of frosting and butter, white like a perfect pearl. Pam-Pom felt proud of this great dessert, but thought he detected some rumbling. The cake started to rumble wildly, and before Pam-Pom could do anything, a horrible white head popped out.

"There's always room for jelly jams!" yelled the creature.

"Homsar!" cried Strong Sad.

Pam-Pom turned to his brother.

_This is all your fault!_ he yelled, _First you leave this island for years, while this country grows poor and has to entertain foreigners to keep alive, while you party around, and then you come back we have to blow the budget on this foolish party and you bring your unruly foreign friends who just ruined the cake we spent hours on!!_

_Little brother? _Pom-Pom whispered.

_Shut up!_ Pam-Pom yelled, _I hate you! I hate you and I never want to see you again!_

Pam-Pom left the silent room. Mopa drew close to her dazed boyfriend. The redhead had been Pom-Pom's girlfriend since they were eleven and was rumored to be the next Princess of Pomopolis.

_Are you alright?_ she asked.

_I just need some time alone_, Pom-Pom said sadly.

He bounced away slowly. Strong Bad stopped him.

"Hey man," he said, "I know how little brothers can be. Just punch him a few times and he'll shut up."

_I'm not going to beat up my little brother_, Pom-Pom said.

"I can do it for you then!" said Strong Bad.

_I don't want that either_, said Pom-Pom as he bounced away.

"Come on!" cried Strong Bad, "I've been itching to lay a finger on that nerd for a long time!"

Pom-Pom was out of hearing range though. He walked up to his room sadly. Pam-Pom was right; he had betrayed his home.

Next: Chapter 4: Life, Love, and the Beach

Author's Notes:

The Prodigal Pom: The title refers to the Biblical parable of the Prodigal Son. Basically, this young man begs his father for his inheritance. He then goes off into the world, loses everything, and comes back on his hands and knees. Surprisingly, the father is happy and throws a big party. His older brother is unhappy about this and complains to the father. I think Pam-Pom's reaction is similar to the older brother in this parable.

The drinks: A Molotov cocktail is a type of homemade bomb. A virgin Bloody Mary (or a Virgin Mary if you feel cheeky) is just tomato juice. A Shirley Temple is a club soda with grenadine. A glass of lard is just gross.

Dark skinned: Yes Virginia, there are black people on the Isle of Pom.

"Rage, paranoia, and stiffness of the hand joints": A reference to "A Visit with Strong Sad", which is a wonderful story that should not be read by anyone.

The bartender: Though he jumped into the ocean, he was rescued by a mermaid who fell in love with him. They got married and lived happily ever after. There, are you happy?

Seating arrangements: If you're confused, the seating went like so:

Homestar Marzipan Coach Z Bubs Strong Mad Strong Bad The Cheat The KOT Strong Sad The Poopsmith

Next Chapter: This is the end of Act 1. The major conflict has been established. In the next Act the subplot will be introduced. In the final Act the conflict will come to head and the subplot will tie into that. I've got it all worked out, so don't worry.


	4. Chapter 4: Life, Love, and the Beach

Weirdoes in Paradise

By Hysterical Woman

_Disclaimer: The characters and settings depicted wherein were created by the Brothers Chap. The actual story was written by me. The characters and conception on the Isle of Pom were created by me as well, though you can borrow them with permission. If you want to use this story for MSTing purposes, please e-mail me at hysterical underscore woman at yahoo dot com. _

Chapter 4: Life, Love, and the Beach

Pom-Pom walked into the sunlit veranda where his friends were eating brunch on the elegant cast-iron tables. They talked excitedly amongst themselves. Homestar Runner saw him first and ran over to him.

"Pom-Pom!" he said, "You should have been there! After the party there was another party and this time it was a good one!"

"Yeah," added Bubs, "These guys threw a big block party and everyone put their weight on!"

"Meh! Meh!" cried the Cheat.

"The girls were all up on me," boasted Strong Bad, "When I talked to them they were all in a hurry to tell their friends about me, or get me more punch, or go to dentists' appointments so their breath wouldn't stink. I'm liking this island."

Strong Sad said, "Some guy threw up on me, I fell in the sewer, and someone spiked my drink and I spent the night fighting penguins."

"You should have been there!" repeated Homestar.

"It was the best party I've ever been to," said Strong Sad.

Pom-Pom thought about all this. The party did sound great, but crown princes couldn't go to street parties, even ones in their honor. When he was young and stupid, he had tried to visit the people in disguise, but everyone saw through it. They would treat him like an invisible elephant in the middle of a room. They were too afraid to hurt him in anyway. It hurt.

Anyway, he couldn't cut loose last night because he was too wound up with anger. At first he was angry at himself, but now he was firmly enraged at his brother. How dare he tell him what to do? Pam-Pom hadn't lived a day in his life, so why should he control Pom-Pom's life? He was going to have fun today with his friends, not worry about longer brothers.

"_Why don't we go to the beach?_" he said.

Everyone agreed and soon they were off to Coral Cliff. It happened to be a lovely day to go to the beach. The sun was shinning on the pink sands, warming the calm clear waters to the perfect degree. The beach was not too crowded, but there were enough people splashing and playing to keep things lively. Pom-Pom knew they would have enough fun to spite a thousand meddlesome younger brothers.

Pom-Pom still had to bring two guards with him. It was awkward bringing along men in black suits to a beach and having them stand impassively as if at a funeral. When he was a kid he took it for granted, but now it seemed creepy.

Unlike the guards, everyone else was ready to run off and have fun. Pom-Pom had other ideas.

"_Stop!_" he yelled, "_I want a picture of everyone!_"

"Make it quick," grumbled Strong Bad.

"_Don't worry; it'll just be a few seconds._"

Of course, getting ten crazy and easily distracted people to pose under the sweltering sun for the perfect wish-you-were-here, Christmas-card-for-grandma photo takes some time. After 15 minutes of wrangling and roping, the picture was perfect except for one thing.

"Aren't you going to be in the picture?" asked Homestar Runner.

Pom-Pom handed his camera to one of the guards and got in the picture alongside his best friend Homestar.

"_Just press the button on the top!_" explained Pom-Pom.

The guard did this and captured the moment: eleven weirdoes in their beach gear, Homestar with his striped leotard, Marzipan in her modest swimming gown, Coach Z wearing an ugly Hawaiian shirt and floppy sandals, The Cheat with goggles and a swimming cap, Strong Mad showing off his chest hairs, Strong Bad showing his six-pack but not his knees in long black trunks, Strong Sad not showing anything in a dark blue hoodie, Bubs with a better looking shirt than Coach Z, the Poopsmith in a wetsuit, the King of Town in a sunhat eating a corndog, what appears to be Homsar sledding in the distance, and Pom-Pom taking off his sunglasses for the picture. It was a great portrait and a shame the lens cap was on.

As everyone went off to play, Coach Z broke the news to Pom-Pom.

"Mr. Mephisto throwing a party for me this afternoon," he said.

"_Mr. Mephisto?_" asked Pom-Pom.

"Yeah, he's the CEO of Faustus Records."

"_Faustus Records?_"

"Yeap."

"_Mr. Mephisto of Faustus Records?_"

"Yessir."

"_Umm, just be careful._"

"Okey dokey," said Coach Z, giving him a naïve thumbs up.

Pom-Pom went off to enjoy a nice float in the ocean. He bubbled happily as he slipped into the cool waters of his homeland. The old myths said that the Pom people were born from the sea. Some biologists theorized the Pom evolved from beach balls. In any case, Pom-Pom felt rejuvenated in the ocean.

He looked around at his friends. Homestar was diving in and out of the water like a dolphin, showing his athletic grace. Marzipan was gathering sea shells, which she would later dump, and then buy back in the form of a shell-encrusted lamp. Bubs and Coach Z were playing volleyball, or at least arguing about volleyball. The King of Town was trying to catch a crab who selfishly didn't want to be eaten. The Poopsmith was making a mountain out of sand, instead of his usual material. The Cheat was surfing on what appeared to be Strong Mad.

Strong Bad was on the shore, trying to impress the ladies with his muscular physique. He didn't have one, but he tried to flex it none the less. A few people looked at him, but no lady-types took the bait. He decided they were too bashful to approach him so he chose to make the first move. He went over to a lovely young woman who he hoped wasn't dating Pom-Pom.

"Hello," he said suavely, "I just had to come over to talk to you, as you are one fine woman."

"_That's so sweet!_" she squealed.

"Yeah, you're so hot," he said, "I could probably get used to your freakish face...hey! I'm giving you a compliment!"

She was already gone. He tried his luck on the other girls.

"You're an angel so give me a quarter."

"_Go away._"

"You don't look too fat in horizontal stripes."

"_Leave me alone._"

"If you wore reflective pants I could see myself in them."

"_Buzz off._"

"Hey baby, maybe we could get together sometime and..."

"_Sir, please get off the mannequin._"

Dejected, Strong Bad walked down the beach. To his surprise, a cute brunette walked up to him.

"_Um, hello mister,_" she said coyly.

Strong Bad picked himself up and answered, "Well, hello bodasitta."

"_I have a question to ask and I know I don't know you well but..._"

"Don't worry, go on."

"_Why don't you take your mask and gloves off at the beach?_"

Strong Bad looked at her a moment.

"Well," he said testily, "That's a fine question to ask and I'm sure it won't get DELETED!"

She looked at him blankly.

"Um," he said softly, "I meant to say, um, I was born like this. It's a weird genetic thing."

"Oh," she said, "How do you type with boxing gloves on?"

Strong Bad was about to make a witty reply when he heard some girlish giggles behind him. He turned around to see a gaggle of girls fussing over The Cheat. The brunette he had been talking to squealed and ran over to hug the adorable creature. Strong Bad gritted his teeth as all the lovely Pom girls cooed over his sidekick. He walked over to The Cheat.

"Stop stealing my ladies!" he yelled, given The Cheat a firm kick.

"Meh!" whined The Cheat.

All the girls turned to Strong Bad, their eyes narrowed.

"Hello, ladies!" Strong Bad greeted them.

Then, all at once, they beat the everloving snot out of him. The Cheat watched for a while, and then wandered off.

Strong Sad, on the other hand, after the picture taking, went straight to the ocean. He waded a little ways in, towel in hand and still wearing his hoodie. He watched the waves go in and out.

"Yeah," he said to himself, "That's enough beach for, like, a year."

He took his towel and walked away from the beach. It had been a bad idea to come on this trip, but he just couldn't refuse a friendly invitation. He would go to the deepest pits of Hell if Satan emailed him.

He walked across the sandy field between the beach and the only highway on the Isle of Pom. He hoped he could find an art supply store or maybe a record shop. All he saw were some houses and a grey object.

Wait, a grey object? Not even the sidewalk was grey on this island. As he walked closer he saw it was a person, a Pom girl, a Pom girl his age, sitting on the curb. She turned around and looked at him. Unlike the skimpy colorful outfits the other girls wore, she had on a big grey t-shirt and baggy grey pants. Her brown hair looked like the most elaborate thing done to it was a brisk brushing. Even her posture was apathetic.

"_You want to sit down? Plenty of room,_" she said.

Strong Sad accepted this invitation and sat down. She looked at him with bored curiosity.

"_You came here with Prince Pom-Pom, right?_" she asked.

"Yeah," answered Strong Sad.

"_I would expect a guy like you to be friends with him,_" she said.

"He's kind of friends with everyone," Strong Sad said, wondering if he should take offence at that remark.

"_No offence or anything, just I'd expect him to be friends with other vapid playboys,_" she explained.

She offered out her hand.

"_Here I am insulting your friends and I haven't introduced myself yet,_" she said, "_My name is Ennui Pomkeep, call me Ennui._"

Strong Sad shook her hand and said "My name is Strong Sad; call me, um, Strong Sad."

"_Okay, Strong Sad,_" she said, "_How you doing?_"

"You really have the time to listen to me whine?" Strong Sad asked.

"_Not good?_"

"I shouldn't have come on this trip in the first place," Strong Sad moaned, "I could have spent a week free from my brothers."

"_I'm an only child,_" Ennui said.

"You're lucky. My brothers are the worst. My oldest brother Strong Mad's always beating me up and Strong Bad makes fun of me and the Cheat puts fire ants on my bed."

"_The Cheat?_"

"He's this...yellow thing. Anyway, I spend most of my time in my room avoiding them."

"_I_ _can sort of sympathize with you,_" said Ennui, "_My cousins are so stuck-up and my aunts are just evil._"

"Now I'm on a week long vacation with them," Strong Sad said, "I don't even like the beach."

He looked at her to see if she was upset. She just looked at the horizon.

"_I hate the beach,_" she said, "_and I _live _here._"

She kicked a pebble into the road.

"_I'm tired of this island, and all its silly woman who only care about the way they look and dumb guys who care only about surfing and fishing and being nice to tourists and even the peach colored sidewalks annoy me._"

She sighed after this impressive rant.

"Where would you like to be?" asked Strong Bad.

"_Anywhere but here,_" she replied, "_But_ _I'm tied down by my family._"

Strong Sad recited, "What happens to a dream deferred?"

"_Langston Hughes._"

Strong Sad turned to her and smiled a rare smile. He was going to enjoy this trip after all. He didn't feel alone anymore.

"You like board games?" he asked his new friend.

Meanwhile, his brother Strong Bad found a lady friend as well. She sat next to him on his blanket, her arms crossed demurely in front of her as she listened to him talk.

"So there I was," he said, "with a jar of kidneys and the police on my tail..."

"_Excuse me,_" she interrupted, "_When will you give me my bikini top back?_"

"When the half hour is over!" Strong Bad yelled.

He laid back on his towel and sighed.

"I hate the beach."

Next: Chapter 5: Words in the Sand

Author's Notes:

Captured the moment: This scene would make a great fanart! (hint hint)

Mephisto: I haven't read the book, but I've seen the Wishbone episode. Does that count?

Boxing Gloves: In his first email, Strong Bad says he can't take off his mask and gloves. He also has gloves and a mask when shown as a kid. It's safe to say he was born that way. He still doesn't like people asking him about it.

Ennui: An original character. I'll try to keep the Mary Sue-ness down to mild hum. Her name is pronounced ann-whee. Look it up in the dictionary.

Langston Hughes: Strong Sad quotes a poem by him, called "Montage of a Dream Deferred". The play "Raisin in the Sun" is named after another line in this poem.

Next Chapter: Go to the hrwiki forum, because they'll be a contest to write Coach Z's rap that will be used in the next chapter.


	5. Chapter 5: Words in the Sand

Weirdoes in Paradise

By Hysterical Woman

_Disclaimer: The characters and settings depicted wherein were created by the Brothers Chap. The actual story was written by me. The characters and conception on the Isle of Pom were created by me as well, though you can borrow them with permission. If you want to use this story for MSTing purposes, please e-mail me at hysterical underscore woman at yahoo dot com. _

Chapter 5: Words in the Sand

Though the lush scenery of the Isle of Pom rushed past them, Coach Z and Bubs didn't notice it. They were fascinated by the wonderful vehicle they were in. Mr. Mephisto of Faustus Records had sent a limousine to pick them up and take them to the party.

Bubs said to Coach Z, "Mephisto didn't spare any expense! This is one fine limo: black leather seats, full bar, stereo, DVD player…"

"And magic windows!" added Coach Z, playing with the power windows. Bubs sighed.

"Now remember: don't sign anything," Bubs said, "Now sign this."

"This is a marriage contract," Coach Z complained.

"Oops," said Bubs as he took another piece of paper out of his sash, "This says you're taking me on as your manager."

Coach Z carefully signed the paper. Bubs took the paper and looked over it. He looked at his friend's name, written in strangely perfect handwriting.

"How the heck do you pronounce this?" Bubs asked.

"Beats me," replied Coach Z.

The limousine with the two friends winded its way up a hill with a medieval castle on top. The castle clashed with its tropical surrounds. The castle was dark and forbidden, built for protection against blood thirsty warlords. It should not have been surrounded by palm trees.

The luxury car stopped at the battlement wall, waited for the gate to open, then drove into the courtyard. The chauffeur opened the door, letting Coach Z and Bubs out. They stared at the unadorned keep. Even though it was 80 degrees out, they felt cold.

"Time to go," Coach Z said weakly.

"Yeah," agreed Bubs, "Don't wanna be too fashionably late."

After deciding to go, they prepared to go, and finally they just went. Coach Z went up to the heavy wooden doors and pulled them open slowly. Unfortunately, the heavy doors weren't that heavy and opened quickly.

What he saw surprised him. Despite the chilly exterior, inside was a happening club with a DJ and a stage with dancing pom girls. The room was full of all sorts of people, both pom and human. They were all looking at Coach Z.

So he said "Coach Z is in de hooose!"

Everyone cheered as Coach Z strutted in with Bubs behind him. A pretty pom girl in a short orange vinyl dress guided them to a pair of comfortable if fuzzy chairs near the stage. As he sat down he was swarmed by excited people. They all worshipped him. Coach Z felt like the king of this castle.

The girl in the orange dress served Bubs and Coach Z elegant fizzy drinks. They laid back and enjoyed the music.

"This is the life," said Bubs.

The pom girls gushed over Coach Z. A particularly pretty one hung by his left arm.

"_I just love you so much_," she burbled, "_You're so talented and handsome!_"

"Thank you," he replied, "You're not bad too looking yourself."

"_Oh, I'm so glad you said that,_" she cooed, "_I had surgery so that I could love you as a woman._"

Bubs spat out his drink.

"Wait," asked Coach Z, "what type of surgemery?"

Before she could answer, another young pom asked him a question.

"_Excuse me, Coach Z?_" he asked.

Coach Z turned to the young pom male who had asked him the question. He was a light, grey blue with black stars. He bounced from foot to foot nervously, and his bubble voice was almost squeaky. The poor kid looked so sad that Coach Z had to pity him.

"What is it, son?" Coach Z said kindly.

"_Um, my name is Milo-Mipo,_" he said, "_and I'm an aspiring rapper._"

"What's your stage name?"

"_I'm…the Pom Bomb. That isn't a very good name, is it?_"

"I've heard worse."

"_Anyway, I'd like to…I mean, may I challenge you to a freestyle rap contest?_"

"Sure," Coach Z said, standing up to stretch, "I'd love to show the kiddies how it's done."

"_Um, Coach Z,_" he said "_I'd like to go first_."

"Okay, knock yourself on."

Coach Z sat down and watched the shy young rapper get on stage. The DJ started the beat as the challenger took a moment to collect his thoughts. He then grabbed the mic and everything changed. Gone was the shy dork addressing his idol. Instead there was a confident performer shredding a washed out man. He threw out rhythms so fast they blurred in the air. Coach Z stared in horror. His hands shook to the beat this pom was laying. The Pom Bomb finished to a round of applause. It was now Coach Z's turn.

Coach Z took a swig of stereotype courage and got up on stage. He hadn't performed in front of a large audience in years. He felt doomed, but he couldn't back down now. He couldn't let some young punk take his title. The DJ started the beat again and Coach Z started his rap.

"Coach Z, coming' at ya like a green machine,  
I gots rhymes for the times that are yet to be seen,  
On the Isle of Pom ya know I'm famous like Elvis,  
They bounce to the beat when I gyrate my pelvis,  
So if you wanna test your skillz you know you're up against da masta,  
My mind is always tighter and my style's always fasta,  
So my Poms in the front my Poms in the back,  
Come on an' bounce with me nowit's a Z attack!"

Everyone was getting into the rap. Coach Z continued.

"I got the mic back so stand back, now here I go,  
I'm flowin where no man has ever flowed befo'  
You got a mic that needs rockin? A party that's lame?  
Who you gonna callcome on, you know my name!  
I ain't bustin ghosts, I'm bustin rhymes;  
Once you see me an' you hear me you can't get me off your minds,  
Now we're lookin' for fun, so everybody follow me;  
Freestylin'? Looks like a jorb for the Z!"

Thunderous applause shook the castle when Coach Z finished. Despite the Pom Bomb's talent, Coach Z was the fan favorite. He soaked in their love as his heart beated like his raps. His opponent seemed sad but still cheered. They raised a joyful din.

The din suddenly stopped when the real King of the Castle entered. It was Mr. Mephisto, CEO of Faustus Records and their gracious host. He was a tall, handsome man in a tailored black suit with a red shirt and a thin black tie. His features were so distinguished you could almost forget his horns and tail. He clapped slowly, arhythmically.

"I think we all know who won this contest," he said in a distinguished but untraceable accent.

He walked over to the stage, ignoring the people frozen in awe. He motioned to Coach Z. Coach Z in turn motioned to Bubs, who quietly put down his drink and walked over to them. Mr. Mephisto led them through the silent crowd. Before he left, he turned and clapped his hands. The party started again at his command.

He led the pair up a pair of dangerous spiraling medieval steps to his office. As they walked, he told them about the castle.

"This used to be a castle in some small hamlet in Scotland," Mr. Mephisto said, "I bought it and had it shipped piece by piece to this island. Of course, I destroyed the local economy by taking their tourist attraction, but what can you do?" He rubbed a manicured finger across the wall, and said, "Too bad all this humidity's destroying the old stonework. You should see my other house; it's this old hotel in California I fixed up."

They walked through a medieval hallway till they got to Mr.Mephisto's office.

"Step inside," said the record executive to the rapper and his manager. Coach Z and Bubs entered his office, and didn't come out for an hour.

Meanwhile, Marzipan had dragged Homestar off the beach to visit some cultural sites. They had visited the Royal Museum, the Royal Art Gallery, and every knickknack store Marzipan could find. They were now at the Pearicultural Museum and Model Farm learning about pearls and oysters. Marzipan read from the official guidebook, while Homestar tried not to fall asleep.

"Pearls are made of a substance called nacre, which consists of calcium carbonate and conchiolin," she read, "Pearls are not always white; some may be pink, yellow, blue, or even black like the Great Pom. Many fine pearls are available at the gift shop at reasonable prices."

"I'm bored!" complained Homestar.

"Why don't you watch the traditional pearl divers?" Marzipan suggested, gesturing with her guidebook at the scantily clad women on a dock, "But don't stare."

"Why can't we go to the beach?" Homestar asked.

"Homestar, there's a lot we can learn from these people," Marzipan explained.

"Like how they can spend all that time in sea water and still have great hair?" Homestar asked.

"That's a good question," said Marzipan, as she walked over to the pearl divers. Homestar sighed and followed her.

Unlike Homestar, Strong Sad was having a good time. He was in a gazebo at the palace playing board games with his newfound friend Ennui. It was great playing with someone who loved games like he did. At home, he could never find anyone to play him at board games. Homestar never understood the rules, The Cheat cheated, Marzipan didn't believe in competition, and Homsar was just too crazy. Most of the time he just played against himself. Now he wouldn't have to, now that he had a partner.

"I consider myself a Monopoly purist," he said as he moved his pieces onto Greenland, "I don't like all the spin-offs."

"_I know some of them are lame,_" Ennui retorted as she shook the dice, "_But you can't say all of them are bad. Also, I just invaded Greenland._"

"Two-player Risk is rather pointless."

"_Yeah. It reminds me of life._"

Strong Sad took her hands into his and looked her in the eye.

"I know we just met," he said, "but I think I really like you. You make me feel bipolar."

"_That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me,_" she replied.

The rest from the beach, including Coach Z and Bubs, saw the young lovers sitting in the gazebo as they returned to the palace. They walked over to them, interrupting the couple. Strong Sad and Ennui unlocked their hands and turned to the interlopers.

"Everyone, this is Ennui," Strong Sad said, "Ennui, this is, um, everyone."

"_Hi,_" she said, "_Bye. I got to get home for dinner. See you tomorrow, Strong Sad._"

Ennui left the happy Strong Sad and his surprised friends. They looked at the normally gloomy Strong Sad whistle as he cleaned up the board game. Sure, he was whistling a gloomy Morrissey song, but he made it sound so cheerful.

Coach Z went up to Strong Sad and said, "That's a nice lady friend you got there."

"Yeah," said Strong Sad, "We have so much in common. We even take

the same anti-depressant."

"It figures, man," Strong bad complained to Strong Mad and The Cheat,

"Dumpus gets a girl and he plays board games instead of something, you know, interesting?"

Marzipan and Homestar, carrying shopping bags, walked up to the group. They both had found tons of ridiculous baubles with their collective lack of taste. Marzipan bought a shell-encrusted lamp, a snow globe with a tropical landscape, a parrot-shaped bottle opener, and a light-up hula girl. Homestar bought several oversized t-shirts with sexual innuendos he didn't understand. He was wearing one right now.

"I'm Big Johnson!" he said proudly.

"Isn't this lamp adorable? It reminds me of the shells I collected on the beach," Marzipan said, holding out the monstrosity.

"Could I talk to you a moment, Marzipan?" Strong Sad asked.

"Sure," she said as they exited the gazebo, "What do you want to talk about?"

Strong Sad took a deep breath. He held his hands out, as if to make a great gesture.

"Feelings…" he said slowly, as if he wanted to hold on to the words, "change."

"Yeah?' asked a confused Marzipan.

Strong Sad continued, "Sometimes we feel differently about a person after certain circumstances that are nobodies fault occur that make us feel differently about a person."

Marzipan replied, "You aren't making any sense."

"I have a crush on another girl," he confessed.

"I bet she's a nice girl."

Strong Sad added, "And I don't have a crush on you anymore."

"Oh," Marzipan said, "Was that really necessary?"

"I'm glad you understand," Strong Sad said as they joined the others.

Everyone else was listening to Bubs and Coach Z talk about meeting Mephisto. Mephisto had heard about Coach Z while honeymooning on the island with his child bride. He was intrigued by the unassuming old-school rapper who had gained the reserved pom people's respect and love. He wanted to offer a record deal to Coach Z. He also talked about extracting the popularity from him and creating a CD with which to rule the world, but that wasn't important. What was important was that Coach Z was going to be big.

When Marzipan and Strong Sad came over, Coach Z was getting to the part about how he specified no brown M&Ms in his contract. Strong Bad slide over to Marzipan.

"I heard what dumpus said. I can't believe he dumped you," he said.

"I didn't even know he had a crush on me," she replied.

"Duh!' said Strong Bad, "He like calls you ten times a day!"

"You call me a lot too," Marzipan noted.

"What!" Strong Bad cried, "I mean, that's the plumber cableman senator guy doing that."

Coach Z concluded, "So I'll start recording when thar done with the market ressarch and everything."

"I've got two famous friends!" Homestar declared, and then turned to Pom-Pom, "You've only got one!"

"_Well, how would all my friends like a night on the town?_" Pom-Pom asked.

Though it had been a long day, everyone agreed. They decided to meet up an hour later at seven. As everyone went off in their separate ways, Pom-Pom decided to walk around the garden. He meet his new enemy Pam-Pom. Pam-Pom looked like he lost a fight in the pits on a bad day. He looked strangely smug though. Pom-Pom decided before his brother could bubble a word that he wouldn't let anything said bother him. He greeted his brother.

"_Good evening, Pam-Pom_," he said generically.

"_Good evening, your majesty_," Pam-Pom replied just as blankly, "_How was your day?_"

Pom-Pom answered, "_Oh, I had a great time with my unruly foreign friends. We're going out tonight and tomorrow we might go sailing._"

Pam-Pom laughed, catching him off-guard.

Pam-Pom sneered, "_You think that that's how it's going to be. You think you're going to live the rest of your life in carefree enjoyment._"

"_Yes, I plan to enjoy my own life._"

"_A Monarch doesn't have their own life. Your life is for the island._"

Pom-Pom felt his happiness drain out of him. All the ancient bonds of his island were dragging him down. He lifted his defense back up.

Pom-Pom said to his brother, "_I'm_ _not a monarch yet._"

"_You will be soon,_" Pam-Pom replied.

Pom-Pom remembered the letter from his mother that brought him here. She had mentioned that Father wasn't doing very well. He had a hard time doing the simplest of tasks, and got tired very easily. She tried not to sound alarming, but Pom-Pom got the feeling that things were not right. Pom-Pom decided to visit his homeland after reading this letter. Though Pom-Pom had been treating this trip as just a bout of homesickness to be treated before going to his real home, the situation was much different. People say you can never go home, but he was home now. This was his real home now and he couldn't leave. His father was dying.

"_So I'll be King. I'll still have my friend,_" Pom-Pom said.

"_Yes, you can visit your friends in Free Country, with the full entourage and the press on your back. What will the press say about your friends? Already the papers are critically of their pranks. Will the people accept a monarch who is so friendly with outsiders?_" Pam-Pom asked.

"_I don't care about that now,_" Pom-Pom said in what he hoped to be a firm tone, "_I'm going to be with my friends._"

So he went with his friends to a local restaurant. The restaurant served local fare, some of it similar to the disastrous appetizer from the gala, but most of it was just good, hearty food. It was a slow, leisurely meal with tons of food and talking. Strong Sad told every one about Ennui, until they got tired of hear about her opinion on colored die and they ignored him as usual. When Pom-Pom asked for the check at the end of the meal, the waiter hesitated.

"_You don't need to pay, your majesty. Having both the Crown Prince and the talented Coach Z dine here is payment enough,_" he said.

Coach Z stood up dramatically. "I've never gotten nothing free in my life," he said sternly, "So I'd like to start now," he added.

"_I'll pay anyway, thank you,_" Pom-Pom said to the waiter.

He turned to everyone else.

"_I_ _want you to come with me to the Tower of Pomopolis,_" he said to them.

"Why?" asked Homestar.

"_I used to go there as a kid, and I've got something to talk about._"

He put some money on the table and left for the Tower of Pomopolis. The Tower of Pomopolis was where the Royal Treasures of Pom were held. It used to be a prison, before that a fortress, and perhaps it was a holy site in ancient times. The Tower consisted of a grey brick tower, some adjacent quarters built through the centuries, and an ugly museum built a decade ago. Along with the hereditary Head Pomkeeper, totem greenfish hawks lived on the estate. They didn't bother to fly away when Pom-Pom bounced over to the tower. He knocked on the door and an old male pom in uniform answered.

"_Hello, Orange!_" he said, "_I'm glad you came to visit._"

"_Mr. Pomkeep, I wasn't expecting you to be guarding the Great Pom this late at night. Why don't you let a younger guard do that?_"

"_We've been even shorter handed as of late since one of the guards quit. Anyway, what else is an old widower like me to do every night?_"

"Enough with the tea party!' complained Strong Bad, "Let us in!"

Mr. Pomkeep let the group into the tower. While the outside of the Tower was cold and forbidden, the inside was warm and welcoming. It was like a mix of museum and grandma's house. The walls were covered in blush peach brocade and white carpet covered the floors. The group filled the large circular sunken room. On the higher side of the room, in a glass case of a pedestal behind a window, was the Great Pom.

The Great Pom was a baseball sized black pearl, one of the finest in the world. It was used only in coronations when the Head Pomkeeper would give the pearl to the new monarch. Mar-Mar, the God of the Ocean, had created it, and the beautiful goddess Pomera gave it to her husband, the first King of Pom. They looked at it in awe.

"Holy crap, that's a big pearl!" cried Strong Bad.

"You could get a lot of money if you pawned it," noted Bubs.

"Beats the ball of almunium foil I have as a royal treasure," said the King of Town sadly.

Pom-Pom called them away from the Great Pom and drew the curtain dividing the room. He started to speak.

"_I'm not going back to Free Country with you,_" he said, to everyone's surprise.

"Why?" asked Homestar, "Do you hate us?"

"_No,_" he continued, "_It's because I'm going to be king soon. My father is not long for this world and when he dies, I become the head of state. This is my new home._"

"Then we'll move here!" Homestar answered.

"I was a thinking of getting a plarce here any ho," Coach Z said.

"The girls here are smoking hot," Strong Bad said, "I'm not leaving."

"I want to stay close to Ennui," said a lovesick Strong Sad.

"This place has great gardens and hair care products," Marzipan said.

"I'm lonely!" declared the KOT.

"_You_ _don't mind the tabloids saying bad stuff about you?_" asked Pom-Pom.

"Let's see them try to mess with me," answered Strong Bad.

"If they love you, they'll love us," Homestar Runner told him.

Pom-Pom felt his heart swell with happiness. Why had he been so worried when the solution was so simple? Everything would be all right perfect happy. The future was shinning bright.

And then the lights went out.

Next Chapter: Crazy-Go-Nuts

Author's Notes:

Apology: I'm sorry it took so long to publish this. I'd like to say it was because I was busy doing more important things, but that would be a lie. I'm sorry. I'll work on the next chapter over spring break.

Rap: Mad props to notstrongbad from the HR wiki forum for both the rap and Milo-Mipo's stage name. If you hate the rap, complain to him.

Feelings Change: A guy once felt it necessary to tell me he didn't have a crush on me anymore, but had a crush on another person. I didn't even know he had a crush on me. I dedicate this scene to him.

Pomkeep: Yes, that is Ennui's last name and, no, that isn't a coicidence.

What happens next: Only Gd and I know that.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the half-decade long wait, but I'm not going to finish this story. My heart just isn't into it. I will tell you what was going to happen if I had finished it.

The Great Pom is stolen! Pom-Pom and his friends are blamed! He tells them to run away the US Embassy. On the way there, Strong Sad disappears. The US Ambassador is angry (and sunburnt) but allows them in.

Strong Sad awakes to find that Ennui knocked him out. She apologizes, and tells him that she stole the Great Pom, using her insider advantage as the Pomkeeper's daughter. She wants to run away with him. Strong Sad is touched, as no one's every committed a felony for him before.

I'm a bit fuzzy on what I planned to happen next, but it turns out that Ennui stole a fake, created by Dr. Raider. However, it also turns out that the Great Pom wasn't a pearl at all in the first place, but the world's greatest artificial pearl. Dr. Raider is caught, but so is Ennui.

At Ennui's trial, Pom-Pom uses his royal privilege to recite a sacred poem in her defense, a poem about a female Promethean thief. Everyone is brought to tears. It translates, roughly, as "Yeah, she's guilty, but she's hot, so we should let her off". Ennui is spared jail but is exiled. She's happy anyway, cause she hated the beach.

Pom-Pom and Pam-Pom reconcile in a touching scene. Strong Bad tells Strong Sad that he "sometimes doesn't hate him so much" in a less touching scene.

Coach Z's career is ruined by the scandal.

Everyone decides to go back to Free Country. Back in Strongbadia, Strong Bad goes to his favorite coach only to find out Ennui is now sleeping there. Roll credits.


End file.
